Kerry's speech tonight is supposed to be surprising. I have been trying to think of things he could to do surprise me (with some help from Jen). Here's the thing...the first rule of surprise is you do not talk about the surprise (like Fight Club that way). He should be playing down expectations to the point where if he shows up with mismatched socks, white belt and a lobster bib we still think he's the second coming of Martin Luther King Jr.
A partial list, of ways he could surprise me:
Reveal himself as a tranny. that'd be more than just a little shocking.
He challenges Bush to a cock fight.
He announces that he's deferring to the ticket of Ali G and Mick Foley (Mankind)
He begins to sing The Who's Tommy (the entire album, especially a scary rendition of Wicked Uncle Ernie)
He brings Spinderella up on stage and does a faithful rendition of Push It.
He challenges Bush to a race around the world.
He channels the spirit of Jim Henson and with his hand up the ass of a muppet delivers his entire speech in frog-falsetto.
He mentions Vietnam less than 3 times.
He professes a love of Hunt's Catsup.
He publicly outs every member of the Skull and Bones in the audience.
He moves from the wings to the podium by kick worming
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