Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Comcast Customer Service Model

I've spent a decent portion of that past 3 weeks on the phone with various representatives of Comcast. Without rehashing a story that I can now tell in my sleep, having presented it to everyone in Comcast, and potentially a fairly sizabel portion of the shareholders, Jess and I continue to be screwed over. We're being charged an amount I can only assume is comensurate with a package of channels that would include one that, like Clarence in It's a Wonderful Life, details the world that would exist were you not born. Maybe another channel that accurately predicts PowerBall numbers. Whatever the array of channels that Comcast believes is justified by these charges does not and has never appeared on our television. Sadly the package for which we did contractually agree to pay, does not exist in their world. Amazing that.

So needless to say it's been a lot of frustrating calls. These calls are made all the more frustrating by the endless litany of options, press one for this, press two for that. It's a fucking choose your own adventure book, except without a plot. It's like a giant senior art installation by some lame no talent conceptual artist who hates me. So I press and I press and I press and I follow endless decision trees only to talk with a person imbued with very little capacity to focus on the matter at hand or aid me in gaining any resolution to it. Each of the people with whom I have spoken has just enough information or authority to be tantalizingly close to solving the problem. And yet each is formally and permanently unable to acutally do something. Somewhere, the people who wrote the telephone flow chart must have also written the Comcast org chart. I can only assume that it's an org chart that they borrowed from Al Qaeda. How else can you explain a system whereby everyone has just enough information to carry out their minute task, and yet no one, in the entire organization understands the roles and responsibilities or even the field in which the others works. It's perfect, when we find that Comcast has Channels of Mass Destruction the entire organization will have impenetrable plausible deniability. And at that time, at that very moment, I just hope I'm able to be watching the Food Network. I'm doubtful of that.

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