I've often wished that I was addicted to coffee. And to a much smaller degree, I've wished that I smoked. There is something about these two vices that seems somehow acceptible, reinforced. Tolerated. I was talking about this with Jen (who, living in the capitol of all coffee excess, Seattle, seems the best person to vent to about my lack of coffee love).
"I know nothing about coffee. I once (and only once) ordered an espresso at the Java Zone. This was 2nd week freshman year. I drank it, disliked it. And within about 45 minutes I feel asleep...the time was 6:00pm. I was out cold. I tried to like coffee, but I only really like the frufru stuff...caramel macchiato. and I cannot bring myself to say those kinds of words, so my career as a coffee drinker seems doomed to failure.
And I'm okay with that, I think. I tend to be pretty high energy without caffeine. Though I like the idea of liking coffee, much like I sorta wish I were a smoker. There is something grounding, and communal about those addictions. Something societally accepted, and nearly reinforced about those moments taken for ones self. It's like that with running. No one questions that I take time to run. If I said I was taking the same amount of time to fly fish, or play frisbee it would be taboo. Something about certain rituals screams...normal while seemingly similar rituals are frivolous. Strange."
The structure, pacing, ritual and gadgets and persnickety nature of true coffee addicts is appealing. JKD can be like that with tea. It's a fine trait. To be so immersed in the appreciation and enjoyment of an act that you have certain standards that must be met. I don't think I have anything like that. I don't have a hobby or routine from which I demand "the best." I tend to be kind of hard on myself, so maybe that's my hobby...work. Speaking of which, today started to feel like a campaign. That first pang of disappointment that accompanies the loss of free time. That sense that the fun things you could be doing today are impossible, nearly mythical. I'm going to strive for some balance. But few of the folks reading this believe me. My dad always says the people are similar to the stock market, past behavior is the best predictor of future results. I'm guessing this holds true here as well...and that I don't find balance. That rather I willingly and quickly relinquish most control over my work and allow myself to be dominant and dominated by that routine and that ritual.
Incidentally, as I write all this I'm in a coffe bar, enjoying a wonderful hot chocolate. Couldn't stand the idea of saying "snicker doodle dandy." or caramel frappucino or whatever coffee is these days.
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