While searching out the weather for this weekend I happened upon an ad for The Weather Channel's "100 Biggest Moments in Weather." The host of the show is Harry Connick Jr. Because when I think of a person capable of fully debating the relative merits of various moments in weather, I would choose a jazz pianist. You know, why not? I've long believed that I can and sometimes will argue any topic for any reason. But this, this is almost beyond my capacity. Honestly the 100 Biggest Moments in Weather? How the fuck does one judge that? That's like the 100 Most Important Electrons of All Time. It's moronic and largely impossible to give meaning to things like that.
For instance, I would have to believe that things like a meteor smashing into the earth and creating a cloud of dust that blotted out the sun and rained ash might count as a big one. But I'm guessing since there's no footage that won't make the list. If the 100th Biggest Weather Moment is any clue the list is going to be ridiculous. They list the 1982 playoff game between the Jets and Patriots where it snowed a lot as the 100 Biggest Weather Moment of All time. We live on a planet that once lacked a water cycle. I figure the creation of a system whereby water moved about the planet would have to include something like 100 moments of greater import than a playoff game (not even a superbowl) in which snow played a factor.
In these list shows usually there are widely recognized if not always trusted "experts" who debate these things. There's Henry Rollins and Melissa Etheridge telling you about how great T-Rex really was. But who the heck is going to bring color to this. Is it a bunch of weathermen sitting around saying, "Man it sure did rain that day." "Yeah, but it wasn't as windy as March 11, 1974, boy howdy that was a Noreastern." Sigh. Nostalgia over weather.
Maybe they'll have sepia toned photographs and slowly pan over them as a robust but reassuring narrator explains the significance of the day by overenunciating and adopting an accent so as to read a copy of the weather report from the day in question. "Wow, Suzie you're right, that Mindy is one "dog-gone" cute puppy. And now for a look at Paul's wacky weather. Better make to bring in Mindy and all her doggy pals today. It's not safe for our four legged friends to be out there tonight. We're expecting winds out of the North East at 30-40 miles per hour. Because, when they're out 'reaching to capture a moment Everyone knows it's Windy.'"